My First Day Back at Work: The Highs, Lows, and the Real Struggle

My first day back at work was better than I expected. I was surprised at how easily I slipped back into the groove. There was a certain comfort in the familiar routine—walking into the building, checking in with colleagues, diving into tasks. I felt confident, like I’d never left. It was reassuring to realize that the work part was still the work part.

But as the hours went by, something grew within me. It wasn’t the usual tiredness that sets in after a busy day—it was something deeper, heavier. Mental fatigue. Anxiety crept in, uninvited, making itself at home in the back of my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about my kids. How would they adjust to daycare? Would they feel abandoned? Would they be okay? What time will I be able to pick them up from daycare? Did they nap at daycare? Will they still sleep through the night?

Then I arrived home and here came the evening routine. That's when it hit me, full force. Those few hours between getting home and putting the kids to bed are always chaotic, but today, I felt like I failed at every corner. Trying to get dinner on the table, cleaning toys, making formula, washing dishes, and still finding time to actually be present with my kids? I was stretched so thin.

And that was before I even considered carving out any time for myself.

I found myself standing there, caught between two choices that didn’t feel like choices at all:

Do I clean after the kids go to bed and miss out on my precious alone time I desperately need to unwind?

Or do I clean while they’re awake, and risk sacrificing what little time I have left to bond with them?

Neither option felt right. Both made me feel like I was failing at something I loved.

It was in that moment, standing in my kitchen, that the tears came. The work part? That was easy, in comparison. But the real struggle, the part I hadn’t fully anticipated, was this: the constant juggling of home life, the never-ending list of responsibilities, the emotional toll it takes just to keep everything running. It was overwhelming, and I couldn’t see how I could possibly balance it all.

I realized, as the evening wore on, that going back to work wasn’t just about the job. It was about learning how to juggle everything—work, home, motherhood—and still find a way to keep my own identity intact. That balancing act is a beast in itself.

I keep reminding myself, some days will feel overwhelming, some days I’ll feel like I’m not doing enough—at work, at home, or as a mother. But that’s okay, there is no handbook on this, no magic equation that will make everything easier. I am learning as I go. 

I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t have the perfect solution for managing everything all at once. But I’m open to advice, open to learning, please Motherhood - share your wisdom!