Feeling Confident and Prepared: Bringing Home a Sibling When You Have a Toddler

As a mother, preparing to welcome a new sibling can awaken a mix of feelings, ranging from excitement to anxiety. I vividly recall my emotions when thinking about bringing home my second child while managing a lively toddler. But you can do this! You have conquered and overcome challenges and hardships before. Embrace the triumphs you have already achieved, feel empowered by gazing at the mountain range you have already climbed. You were made for this.

Hot Tips At A Glance Click here.

I strongly encourage you to take the time for yourself and read through the detailed advice that The Motherhood has provided. The advice has been collected from personal conversations with mothers, women who shared their experience on my posts, and my own experience. Together, The Motherhood has brought us a plethora of encouraging and practical advice.

Give yourself a break!

Feeling overwhelmed about bringing a new baby home is entirely normal. Give yourself some grace. You are experiencing extreme hormonal changes physically in your body because of pregnancy, you are feeling tired from being pregnant and chasing a toddler around, the memories that you may have blocked out about labor and the newborn phase are flooding back - everything about this second pregnancy is different than the first. So of course you feel anxious! There is no reason you cannot be excited about welcoming your new baby as well as feeling anxious about it. Give yourself a break. Feel those feelings. Prepare as much as you can, but at the end of the day, when that new baby comes, it will be busy and probably chaotic for a short time. But then, before you know it, you cannot imagine what your life was life before you were this new family unit.

You Just Do.

From my conversations with The Motherhood, my friends, and reflecting on my experience there are reoccurring anxieties we have about bringing a sibling home: how can you love both children the same amount? How do you juggle the needs of both children? You just do. I cannot explain it clearer than that. You do because you can, you can because you have risen above in difficult times before, and you've risen above because you are built for this. As mothers we literally just do all the time! Staying organized, educating yourself, and being supported by your community are of course key contributors to being able to do all that we do. But whenever someone asks, "how do you do it?!" often the answer is as simple as, "I just do." Give yourself some credit - you defy the odds everyday. Drop offs, pick ups, birthday parties, extra-curricular activities, family gatherings; your intuition and creativity supports you in surviving - lean into yourself!

Routine Routine Routine

Newborn phase is a fog. It is a blurry time that lacks the structure of day and night. However, older children thrive off routine. With all the changes happening in the household, having a routine that allows your toddler to anticipate what to expect supports them feeling safe and important.

Some routines that are realistic to implement when bringing home baby are:

• Bedtime routine

• Eating dinner together as a family (even if the newborn is snuggled in your lap or beside you in the swing).

• Continuing with activities that the toddler is involved in (gymnastics, swimming). Even if a grandparent or aunt needs to take the child to the class, this is a great routine to continue.

Involve Your Toddler

This hot tip can be make your life easier and harder simultaneously. As toddler moms already know, your child wants to be involved in everything and wants to do everything by themselves. Providing space for your toddler to participate in all new baby activities gives them a special purpose in this new (and somewhat scary) environment. So yes, many tasks will be less of a battle if you allow your toddler to participate. However, be prepared to practice your patience (whatever patience is left after giving birth) because your toddler will most likely make a mess or do the job incorrectly. Meaning, you will need to return to the task and do it again. But I promise, in time your toddler will become the greatest helper! They will learn how to do particular tasks well! And, the tasks they don't want to do, they will actively not involve themselves in eventually.

The Power of the Doll!

In anticipation of new baby's arrival, gift your child a doll (and dolls are not only for girls!). Using a doll to practice caregiving skills is another effective way to involve your toddler. Encourage them to hold, feed, or rock the doll while you play along. By transforming this into a fun game, you not only prepare them for their new sibling but also help them develop a sense of responsibility. Experts say that children who practice skills with dolls often exhibit more empathy and care toward their siblings.

From personal experience, the doll has been a life saver. Our toddler would bring the doll on walks, put the doll to bed in the baby's room, when I was walking around the house rocking the crying baby - our toddler was not far behind mimicking me.

Again, this idea of reinforcing that your toddler has an important space in this new environment and is essential to the functioning of the family encourages the feelings of safety and belonging for your toddler. With the doll, the toddlers purpose is to care for their baby just as you care for yours.

Ask for Help (Why aren't we better at this?!)

Ask for help! Ask for help! Ask for Help! This is a huge fiery hot tip. Although we have an internal monologue that continually tells us that if we are not doing it all we are not doing a good job, we need to be advocates for ourselves. I am notorious for not asking for help so I will admit this tip is hypocritical of me to share - but The Motherhood made it loud and clear that this is essential! Help does not just mean to come over and drink coffee with you while you still tend to the baby - help comes in many different forms.

For those of us (probably all of us) who struggle asking for help, here is an outline:

• Make a plan before baby arrives. Chat with your inner circle and make a plan for assistance. Due to your hormonal, sleep deprived, emotional state, asking for help after baby arrives will be much more difficult.

• When someone offers to take the baby, what is it that you want to do? What fills your cup? Sleep, exercise, running errands alone? Decide what you want this time for and use it however you see fit!

• Do you need help with housework? Perhaps you want to nap with your baby or take your baby for a walk, if someone offers to help, ask them to empty the dishwasher, do the laundry, vacuum.

Gift for Toddler from New Baby

This was something that came up in many conversations. This gift reinforces that the toddler is special within this new family unit - so special that the newest member has provided them with a peace offering for the chaos about to begin. Choose a gift that is meaningful and has longevity. A gift that your toddler will keep close to them for a very long time. Gifting treats or a game that they will get bored of quickly will not encourage the bond between the two children.

Meeting The Needs of Two

The needs of your newborn and the needs of your toddler are different. There is the classic crying newborn checklist: poopy diaper, hungry, cold, tired. The crying toddler is much more complex, among the previous checklist we also have: lonely, scared, confused, overexcited. There will 100% be times when both children are crying; who do you respond to first?

This was the greatest advice that I received before bringing my newborn baby home.

When both children are crying, respond to the toddler first. Give the toddler response only a few minutes, this could potentially save you an hour of stress. Ensure your newborn is in a safe place (no chances of rolling anywhere, falling, etc), then respond to your toddler who is crying. Developmentally, your toddler is at a delicate stage where he/she is trying to decide where they fit in this world. You have just welcomed this new human who truly takes up the majority of your time, your toddler will have feelings of confusion surrounding this drastic change. Respond to them and take a few minutes to calm them, hug them, make eye contact with them - it is okay to let a baby cry for a few minutes. Then, involve your toddler is helping the newborn, "the baby is crying, what do you think he or she needs? Should we go check together?".

One on One Time

As I have already said many times, your toddler's world has been turned upside down. Upholding routines, creating space for involvement, and prioritizing them will make the transition for you easier and also support bonding between the two children.

One on one time will look different in every home. This is how we created intentional one on one time in our home.

My toddler stayed in daycare after our newborn came home. This was important for upholding her routine and with the family dynamic of shift work it made this transition time much easier. Everyday when my toddler came home from daycare I took 15 minutes to be only with her. In the grand scheme of the evening, 15 minutes is not long. My husband (or dad, or sister, or mother-in-law) would take our newborn for this 15 minutes, and my toddler and I would head to her room. We would talk about her day, cuddle, read stories, whatever she wanted to do. That short 15 minutes made a world of difference for how the night continued.

Remember...

• You have done this before

• You are capable of achieving great things (because you already have!)

• Don't be too hard on yourself and give yourself grace

• Growing pains are inevitable, but they fade

Hot Tips at a Glance

• You will be more confident round 2. You have overcome the difficulties of a newborn before - and look at you now! Incredible!

• You are already in a "kid friendly" routine. You are used to having your life run by the schedule of a little person. The feeling of losing yourself isn't as drastic as after the first.

• Routines are essential for helping your toddler feel safe.

• Bring a gift for the toddler from the baby.

• Let the toddler help with literally anything! Even if they make the task more time consuming, you are a family, one big team, let everyone play a part.

• One on one time with your toddler is critical.

• Baby dolls! Not just for girls.

• If both kiddos are crying (and the newborn is in a safe place) respond to the toddler.

• ASK FOR HELP FROM OTHERS!