Feeling Overwhelmed? Put Yourself in Charge of Your Mental Load

As mothers, we wear many hats. We juggle our roles as caregivers, teachers, chefs, and personal assistants—all while trying to keep ourselves sane. But what often goes unnoticed is the unseen burden we carry: the mental load of motherhood. This responsibility involves a constant stream of thoughts, reminders, and duties that accompany our daily lives. This invisible workload can create significant stress that often goes unacknowledged. Research shows that mothers spend an average of 20 hours per week managing household responsibilities, which highlights how quickly this mental checklist grows, often leading to burnout.

I asked The Motherhood what types of responsibilities weigh on your mental load. Wow - The Motherhood delivered on this collaborative post! Thank you so much!

If you have ever felt like you are the only one feeling this weight - please find comfort in knowing you are not the only one! These are verbatim responses I received (please note many were duplicated but I only included the responsibility one time).

Comment below with the number of mental load responsibilities you also feel!

1. making wish lists

2. organizing gifts

3. talking with educators

4. addressing problems with daycare/school

5. ensuring medications are taken

6. ensuring prescriptions are filled

7. coordinate playdates

8. plan child's birthday parties

9. finding baby sitters

10. researching schools/daycares/ extra-curricular facilities

11. managing appointments

12. replacing household supplies

13. clothing swaps (what fits and what does not)

14. managing new clothing (do we need anew winter jacket?)

15. managing doctor's appointments

16. making sure the diaper bag is packed

17. packing snacks and lunches

18. packing for trips

19. staying on top of milestone checks

20. making sure pick up and drop off is organized

21. making sure homework is completed

22. calculating wake windows/ bed time

23. organizing the family calendar

24. making sure the bottles are cleaned each day

25. ensuring there is formula made in the fridge

26. household laundry

27. meal planning every single day

28. conscious of if you have enough one on one time with your child

29. conscious of if you have enough one on one time with your partner

30. where everything is in the house

31. organizing vacations (flights, hotel, activities)

32. conscious of if our children are on technology too much

33. learning about milestones, parenting strategies

34. having to teach and relay information to your partner about parenting strategies

I am 34/34.

After looking at what is weighing on our mental load of motherhood it is interesting that none of us talked about ourselves? If our brains are filled with these tasks for our family, how are we expected to have capacity to take care of ourselves as well? Where do we, as mothers, fit into the needs of the family?

Why Is Mental Load So Stressful?

For me, the burden of the mental load is extremely stressful because it is invisible and many of the tasks are perishable. I refer to many of these tasks as perishable because they are not "one and done". These tasks need to be done continuously. The responsibility for the perishable task weighs on us constantly since it is never truly finished. These invisible and perishable tasks also cause us stress and frustration because they are often unappreciated. Not feeling appreciated is one of the leading causes for mothers to feel inadequate.

Here are some scenarios to further explain:

• Dinner is a perishable task. Dinner must be made every single day. The task of making dinner includes the steps of

  • choosing which meal to make (Is it healthy? Will the kids eat it?)

  • making a list of supplies needed

  • purchasing food/supplies

  • thinking out and planning timing for the meal

  • making the meal

  • cleaning up after the meal

  And meals must be made everyday.

• Now let's say one day you forget to plan a meal for dinner and there is no food in the fridge. The guilt and disappointment lands on you because it is subconsciously your responsibility to have this done. What a terrible feeling... we do not want to add more guilt to our lives (see Mom Guilt for details).

• Another scenario is your partner offers to take something off your plate to reduce your mental load. They will make dinner. Well, out of the six steps, your partner making dinner only takes away one step... that's not much help is it?

Managing Mental Load

I wish I had more to share here... I really don't. Suggestions encouraged in the comments!

Communicating with your partner

Communicating with your partner that you need assistance with these tasks is the top suggestion for how to manage mental load. Issues that arise from this: they might do it incorrectly, you suffer the consequences, reminding your partner how to do the tasks has become another task on your mental load, you need to teach them how to do it which is another task on your mental load.

Using dinner as the example, if your partner has said they will make dinner, what if the preparation takes too long and now you are dealing with screaming hungry children while your partner cooks? Is that really relieving you from responsibilities?

My semi-solution

Decide what you are willing to let go of and be okay with if it is done incorrectly. Every mother will have a different choice here and yes, if your partner does it incorrectly it might make your life a little more difficult for that moment, but there is also the scenario where it goes perfectly and a task is taken off your list! You are in charge here. What task are you willing to let go of?

Prioritizing Taks

What are the must-dos on our list? Every family prioritizes things differently (again, see Mom Guilt for prioritizing strategies), so divide your list of responsibilities into things that must get done everyday, things that should be done soon, and things you can do when you have time. Create reasonable and realistic expectations for yourself. And prioritize things that bring you joy - you are in charge!

Ask for Appreciation!

Your partner may not even realize how many thoughts you are carrying at any given moment. They may not be aware that you feel unappreciated. Share that with them. Sharing with your partner isn't only just dividing responsibilities. There can be responsibilities you are willing to continue doing, but just having your partner be aware of the work you put into it and saying a simple "thank you" can do a long way.

Embracing the Journey of Motherhood

The mental load of motherhood can feel like a heavy blanket enveloping us at all times. Yet, by acknowledging this reality and implementing practical strategies to counteract that weight, we can navigate the complexities of motherhood more effectively.

I want us all to find comfort in knowing none of us are doing anything wrong. We all feel this weight of responsibility! To help build our motherhood community and find comfort knowing we are not alone please respond in the comments to how many of these mental load tasks you also feel. As well, please share any solutions you have!

I hope these insights help you feel less alone, more appreciated, and in charge of yourself. Together, let’s lean on The Motherhood and support one another in recognizing and managing the mental load that comes with motherhood. We are in this together!