The Unspoken Truth About Motherhood: You Can Never “Win”

Motherhood is like a rollercoaster ride that you didn’t sign up for, except there’s no seat belt, no map, and you’re pretty sure the track was built by people who’ve never actually ridden it. From the baby weight game to feeding choices, there’s always someone waiting to tell you you're doing it wrong. It feels like there’s no way to win—but let’s be real: that's what makes us moms. We love fiercely, we worry endlessly, and we’re doing the best we can, even if it doesn’t look perfect from the outside.

1. The Baby Weight Struggle

Ah, the dreaded baby weight question. My daughter was very petite when she was born. I remember the first time I was sent to specialists because she wasn’t gaining weight like other babies. The comments from others didn’t help either: “She’s so small! Are you sure she’s eating enough?” As a first-time mom, I was stressed to the max. I took it to heart—every comment, every worried look, every suggestion to "try this" or "try that" made me feel like I was doing something wrong.

Breastfeeding was also a huge challenge for me. It felt like my milk wasn’t enough, and with all the pressure, I started thinking something was wrong with my body, with my milk, and with everything I was doing for my precious daughter. I was terrified that I wasn’t meeting her needs and I was constantly questioning myself.

Fast forward three years, and here’s the punchline: She’s just petite. She hit every milestone, and she’s growing perfectly fine. Turns out, she's just a small little thing! The pediatrician who had been so concerned when she was 6 months old now tells me, “She’s fine, no worries, she’s just small.” Oh, really? Well, thanks! Wish you had told me that a little sooner—could've saved me a lot of stress and sleepless nights.

It’s crazy how much we worry as moms. The size of our baby is somehow linked to our worth, our ability to nourish them, and how well we’re doing as mothers. But the truth is, every baby grows at their own pace. It’s just part of the beautiful mess that is motherhood.

2. Formula Feeding vs. Breastfeeding—Pick Your Poison

No matter how you feed your baby, someone will have something to say. If you’re formula feeding, “Are you sure that’s the best choice? Breast is best, you know.” If you’re breastfeeding, “You can’t complain about being tired—you chose this.”

It’s as though every decision you make is open for debate, but the reality is: as long as your baby is fed, healthy, and happy, that’s what matters. The constant back-and-forth about which option is better is exhausting. But guess what? You’re doing what’s best for your family, and that’s what counts.

3. The “Break” Dilemma

Want a break? Maybe just a moment to breathe or go grocery shopping without a tiny human clinging to you? Good luck. If you even think about taking time for yourself, someone’s bound to say, “You’re lucky to have kids—some people can’t even have children and you want a break?”

But, when you don’t take a break and burn yourself out, it’s your fault for not putting yourself first.

It’s a no-win situation.

The truth is, as moms, we need breaks. We need time to recharge. You’re not a bad mom for wanting a moment to yourself. In fact, taking care of yourself makes you a better mom in the long run.

4. Unsolicited Advice: The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Oh, and then there’s the flood of unsolicited advice. Whether it’s baby clothes, nap routines, or which stroller you absolutely must buy, everyone has an opinion (and yes, I am fully aware I am notorious for sharing my opinion when no one asked... working on it!). But here’s the secret: You do not have to follow anyone else’s blueprint. The best thing you can do is trust yourself and your instincts.

What works for your baby and your family is the right thing. Period.

5. The Real Win: Love

So, what’s the one thing that truly matters in all of this chaos? The answer is simple: love. If your child feels loved, that’s the most important thing.

The fact that we worry, stress, and second-guess ourselves as mothers shows just how much we love our children. If you love your child with all your heart—if you’re doing your best to care for them—that’s a win. It doesn’t matter whether your baby is petite or chubby, whether you're breastfeeding or formula feeding, or whether you take a break every now and then. As long as your baby knows they are loved and cared for, that’s all that truly matters.

So here's the truth: You are doing an amazing job. And as corny as it might sound, the truth is that all that really matters is love. If you’ve got that, you’ve already won.