The Resilience of a Mother: Kate’s IVF Journey

Motherhood is a path full of unexpected twists, and for Kate, her journey to becoming a mom was nothing like she imagined. Kate never suspected that she and her husband would face fertility issues—until the shock of a lifetime hit: “No sperm?!” How could that even be possible? This bombshell led them down an emotional and life-changing path, not only through fertility treatments but also the unexpected discovery that Kate’s husband, Alex, had cystic fibrosis—a condition he had lived with his whole life without knowing.

In this interview, Kate opens up about her IVF journey, the challenges of becoming a mother, the emotional rollercoaster of fertility treatments, and the strength she found in herself through it all. It's a raw, honest story of resilience, love, and the power of pushing through the hardest times. Keep reading to find out how she navigated it all and came out stronger on the other side.

A Mother Above All Else

When Kate talks about herself, it’s clear her identity has shifted since becoming a mom. "I mostly identify as a mom now," she shares, reflecting on how her life has changed since having children. Kate has two kids now—a 2.5-year-old girl named Poppy and an 8-month-old boy named Nash—but the road to motherhood was not without its struggles.

Pregnancy: The Beautiful Struggle

Did she enjoy pregnancy? Not exactly. Kate admits she didn’t love either of her pregnancies. "It’s okay to not love being pregnant," she says with honesty. Despite the underlying guilt of not fully embracing the experience, she knew that her feelings didn’t diminish her gratitude for being pregnant. "I had so much anxiety," she recalls. "There was so much riding on it. We wanted kids so badly. It was overwhelming." Her vulnerability shines through as she talks about the pressure and the emotional weight of trying to conceive. It is important as mothers that we don’t push aside the honest emotions we have towards the transition of motherhood. Just because we admit that we do not enjoy an aspect of motherhood does not mean we are not grateful. 

The Toughest Transition: 1 to 2 Kids

When Kate reflects on the transitions between having her first and second child, she recognizes a shift. “The first transition wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, mainly because I had a lot of knowledge about newborns and babies," she explains. "But the transition from 1 to 2? That was a whole different ball game." Suddenly, it wasn’t just about managing a newborn—it was about balancing the needs of both children. "You start worrying about whether you’re giving your older one enough attention," Kate adds. The two of us laughed at a painfully true quote,"The ease of the first-born is wasted on first-time parents." Check out tips for bringing home a sibling here!

Keeping the Spark Alive

Like many parents, Kate and Alex have to put in effort to keep their relationship strong amidst the whirlwind of parenthood. “Finding moments of connection is important,” Kate says. “It’s never going to look the same as it did before we had kids. But we have to be realistic about expectations." She’s confident in how they’ve managed their relationship. “We remind ourselves that this stage is temporary. The 'roommate' stage? It’s inevitable. But we’re living the life we want, and we make sure to connect during evenings when the kids are winding down or through the occasional date night.” It was clear throughout this interview that Alex and Kate rode the waves of unexpected news, joy, fear, and frustration together. 

The IVF Journey: A New Path to Motherhood

Kate's journey to motherhood was not without its obstacles, one of the biggest being the need for IVF. “I was absolutely shocked,” she shared with conviction. "I worked in maternity, so I saw pregnant women all the time and heard many stories about families going through IVF. I never suspected that fertility would be a challenge for us." But soon, Kate learned that the road ahead would be different than she’d imagined. “I knew I always wanted to be a mom. But there were so many unknowns with our situation, and then I learned that Alex had cystic fibrosis, which added to the overwhelming uncertainty. Grieving fertility, navigating a new diagnosis, it was heavy." Through fertility testing, Alex and Kate discovered that Alex has a condition known as azoospermia, caused by cystic fibrosis. In layman's terms this means that while his body produced sperm, there was no way for the sperm to leave his body.

Despite the emotional weight of the discovery, Kate's determination remained unwavering. “As soon as I learned about the diagnosis, my perspective shifted. I knew I was going to be a mom. We explored every option—adoption, sperm donation, IVF. In the end, we decided to move forward with IVF.” In discussing the various paths to building a family, it became clear that these choices should be widely addressed in education. We're often taught that there's only one way to have children, and if that path doesn’t work out, well… you're left to figure it out on your own.

The IVF Process: A Rollercoaster of Emotions

For Kate, the IVF process wasn’t just physically demanding—it was emotionally exhausting. "The medications were the toughest part," she says, describing the toll the injections and hormones took on her body. "Hot flashes, bloating, cramping, and the emotional rollercoaster… it was a lot." But through it all, she persevered. "Women who go through IVF should be so proud. It’s not easy, but it’s a testament to how strong we are."

Kate also reflects on how her experience as a nurse gave her insight into the fertility world, but she acknowledges the complexity and uniqueness of each person’s journey. "Even with my knowledge, it was still overwhelming. There are so many specialists involved, and the process is so unique to each couple." This reinforces the need for further education and discussion around topics such as IVF. Knowledge builds confidence, confidence supports advocacy, and advocating for yourself is a must within the healthcare system. 

Supporting Friends Through IVF

As a mother who has experienced fertility struggles, Kate understands the importance of sensitivity when supporting a friend going through IVF. “(If you are pregnant) choose wisely who you complain to," she advises. "When you’re pregnant and someone is struggling with infertility, complaining about your pregnancy can be really hard to hear. And never offer unsolicited advice—like the 'Just relax and it’ll happen' comments." Her advice? "Be a listener, be a soundboard, and don’t guilt your friends if they don’t attend your baby shower." Attending a baby shower while navigating the unknowns of fertility treatments can be a triggering event. As a friend, be understanding and supportive - this mother already feels enough guilt and stress. 

Kate also shares that thoughtful gestures from friends—like gift baskets—can go a long way in making someone feel seen and supported during this difficult time. Kate had an all-star support system for her journey. The cutest gift? Cozy socks that read “Stick Baby Stick” for her to wear during her treatments. 

Taking Care of Yourself: Finding Moments of Solitude

With two young children, Kate has found that self-care often means carving out small pockets of time for herself. “I work out on my Peloton, but I also need quiet time. After the kids are in bed, I’ll watch mindless TV or just enjoy some time in my room," she shares. "Sometimes it’s as simple as planning a girls’ night or putting on makeup just to feel like myself again. It’s easy to become a house troll, but we need to stay independent."

The Greatest Gift: Being a Mom

When asked what her favourite part of being a mom is, Kate’s face lights up. "Seeing life through their eyes and having little best friends," she says. "Watching Poppy's reaction to simple things—like bringing groceries into the house—is pure joy. Time flies, and it’s a cliche, but it’s true. You blink, and they’ve grown." This rediscovery of magic through the eyes of our children is the greatest gift. It is a gift we can often miss due to the hustle of life. To rediscover the magic, read here.

A Message to Her Younger Self

When I asked Kate what advice she would give to her younger self at the start of this journey, the love and compassion she showed for that version of herself was beautiful. If she could send a message to her younger self, she would say, “Everything’s going to be okay. You’re going to be a mom, and your kids will be more special than you could ever imagine. The unknowns may feel overwhelming, but you are stronger than you think.” Beautiful. Compassionate. Encouraging. Words we should tell ourselves daily. 

Kate doesn’t see herself as strong—she’s simply doing what mothers do. But when she looks back on her journey, she’s in awe of her own resilience. “When you’re in it, it just becomes who you are,” she says. “But when you look back, you think, 'Oh my gosh, I did that.'”

In Closing: The Strength of Mothers

Kate’s story is one of unwavering strength, profound love, and a deep commitment to her family. Her confidence and determination, combined with her willingness to share her journey so openly, are a reminder that mothers are truly warriors. The physical, emotional, and mental load that comes with the journey to motherhood through IVF is not easy, but as Kate proves, it is one worth walking with grace, pride, and a whole lot of love.

To all the IVF mamas out there, the message is clear: You are strong, you are brave, and you are warriors. Stand proud, because your journey is one to be celebrated.